


That Screaming Voice In My Head

by Creature of The Shadows (yourlocal_weirdo)



Category: Original Work, South Park
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bruises, Bullying, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, Mental Breakdown, Physical Abuse, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, it's kinda a vent fic??, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27850314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocal_weirdo/pseuds/Creature%20of%20The%20Shadows
Summary: Nicole is sad, and a stranger-soon-friend talks to her about what's bothering her.
Kudos: 1





	That Screaming Voice In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's sad? not me, Nicole is.  
> >:))  
>  ~~Im so sorry my baby~~

Footsteps echo down the hall as a short, stocky female runs down the hall, trying to escape the claws that pull and rip at her heart.

"Hardy! Hardy, please come back!"

Hardy paid no heed to the voice as she sprinted towards her happy spot, the one place she feels safe. She slipped through a cracked door and whipped around to lock it. The small lock clicked and Hardy let out a defeated sigh. She walked over to one of the desks in the back that were left behind when the classroom was cleared out. Hardy set her bag down and shuffled over to the corner, plopping down unceremoniously. Her amber eyes stared out blankly before tears began to spill, staining her face and leaving a trail behind as they made their journey down her face. The brunette didn't make much noise as she cried, only a small sniffle here, or a near-silent sob.

Sound and sight began to grey and disappear as Hardy began succumbing more and more to the aching sadness that fiercely gripped her very soul. _That asshole...,_ she thought, angry and sad somehow simultaneously. _Why does he have to be right? Why why why whywhywhywhywhywhy?_ The question repeated itself as the freckled child softly rocked herself. _It's me, I'm at fault, it's all me, my fault, all me, why, all me,_ the tears began to fall faster as the voice in her head got louder and crueler. _It's all me, I'm wrong, I've been wrong, I AM A MISTAKE, I DON'T DESERVE LIFE, I'M A MONSTER, A MONSTER, MONSTER, MONSTER, MONSTER._ The small female gripped her head as the voice screamed the truths louder and louder until she couldn't take it anymore.

On shaky legs, Hardy stood up and walked over to the far left of the room. She peered out, three levels above the snow-covered ground, the light fluffiness coating the grass that lay beneath the snow. With a deathly calmness, Hardy unlocked the window and, with a small struggle, opened it wide. A cold wind blew in, bringing some leaves with it. Hardy brushed her hair out of her face and took a shaky breath as she began pulling herself through the open space. _NOW DO IT NOW NO THOUGHTS DO IT NOW NOW NOW GO ALREADY MISTAKE MONSTER TROUBLESOME PAIN GO JUST GO-_

"What are you...doing?"

The brunette whipped around and spotted a girl far across the room, stepping out of the closet. She stood in the sun's rays, the brightness accentuating her light brown hair, thin frame and pale skin, which was littered with purple bruises and scrapes. The small person stepped forward and lifted her hand hesitantly, as if she was going to grab her arm and pull her way from the entrance of her relief. Hardy turned back around to hide her face and let out a weak chuckle. "I'm just getting some fresh air." The other girl drifted over to the stocky brunette's side on silent feet. "That is not what it looked like. There are tears on your face." She reached over with a white sweater sleeve and wiped away the wet orbs that had snuck on the freckled girl's face. "Your eyes are broken, your face empty." Hardy glanced at the girl and immediately looked away. She couldn't face this complete stranger with sadness plastered on her face and emptiness on display for her to point out. "No no no, it's okay, I'm fine," the amber-eyed female found herself saying, "What about you? You look..." _like you got mugged? Harassed? Attacked?_ "... not too good."

The small girl looked at the bruises crawling over her skin and cocked her head. "Oh. Those. Well, if you have not figured it out already, I am from Russia. People find that... entertaining. They badger me about it, they make haha-funny USSR jokes. Today, I get fed up. I shout back when they laugh at me. These kids,they do not take this too kindly. They, ah, they really hold nothing back, eh?" She smiled and observed her bruises like they were interesting specimen. Hardy felt horrified that people treated the seemingly-sweet young girl like that. "They... they're jerks. I can beat them up for you." If there was one thing the freckled girl hated, it was people who tormented others for shits and giggles. "I'm not lying, just tell me who they are." Her fists clenched and unclenched as she felt a strong protectiveness come over her for the sake of the small girl. The bruised girl chuckled and laid a tiny hand on Hardy's shoulder and shook her head. "No. This is my fight, not yours. I can't send someone else to deal with them. I have to do this myself. But what about you? You have demons you have yet to face, and you cannot face them alone. Do you need to talk, perhaps?"

Hardy blinked in surprise and opened her mouth to say something. "Um, I don't know your name. I'm... Nicole. Nicole Hardy," is what came out. The other girl frowned but still responded. "I am, ah, Alice Heart. But everyone simply calls me Fuffle. Moving past that, what is it that drains your soul out of your body? I can see this very clear on your face, do not lie to me. I only wish to help you, Nicole." Nicole furrowed her eyebrows and looked away. The tears crept into the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill. She didn't know what to say, but she truly wanted to tell Alice, a complete stranger, what was wrong. _Please please please help me I want to escape this torrent of pain and suffering I beg you please help me please I hate all of this pain-_ "I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me." Alice looked up at the other girl and huffed. "No. You are not okay. Something is wrong. Tell me." Hardy frowned deeper as the tears slipped down her pain-stricken face. "I'm fine, really," she choked out unconvincingly. The tears fell faster and faster as Alice turned Hardy to face her, gripping her shoulders gently. "What is wrong? I only wish to help," the small brunette stated softly, "You may be stranger, but I care about you, okay? You are stranger, but I care about you."

At this, Nicole broke. All the sadness that piled up in her chest spilt out. Hearing those words, _I care about you_ , split the dam that held all of her negative emotions in. She began sobbing as Alice pulled her close, letting the stocky female bury her head in the crick of the pale child's neck. "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," is all that she could say, while her mind screamed something different. _I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY._ "Just let it all out," Alice murmured soothingly. Nicole could barely quiet herself while she let out all of her despair she caged up and hidden for the past 6 years. Loud, gut-wrenching sobs echoes in the small room as Nicole cried. " _I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY_ ," the taller brunette screamed, finally breaking past the vice grip that held her throat. Those words that could never find it's way from her mind to the world now tumbled out of her mouth like snowflakes in a blizzard. Like holding you breath, finally releasing all this pain in her heart made Nicole feel, if not completely, but a tad bit better. Alice simply stood there, holding the freckled girl tightly, occasionally patting her back or saying something reassuring. The sounds soon subsided as Nicole began actually breathing, hiccupping and sniffling now filling the room. "Ah, taking time to breathe, yes?" Nicole let out a soft chuckle and let Alice guide her back over to her cry-corner.

"Can you tell me what's wrong now?" Alice said, tilting her head slightly. Nicole looked up at her and smiled. "I... Well, I was hanging out with my 'friends', Cartman, Kyle and Stan. Oh, Kenny was there, but he didn't really do anything. Anyways, Kyle and Cartman were at each others throats and I got pissed and told them to, and I quote, 'Shut your fucking pie holes, you're getting on my fucking nerves.' Kyle began angrily squeaking, or whatever he does, and Cartman said... he said..." Nicole began choking up at the memory, and Alice gently pat her shoulder. "H-he said," she forged on, "that I was a m-m-mistake, and that my parents didn't love me. But, but the sad thing is," she whispered, trembling now, "is that he's right. They don't love me, at least my dad doesn't. I _am_ a mistake. I-", she burst into tears again, her heart curling and twisting. The pale child next to her gingerly lifted Nicole's head until their eyes were level. "Hey. Parent sucks, understandable. But you are not mistake. There is saying that may have been said before, but that does not matter. _U kazdoy zhizni yest' tsel'._ Know what that means? ' _Every life has a purpose'_ . You hold meaning. You have purpose. Jerks fog over vision, forge on. Heart brings night over world, make your own light. Weight settles on shoulders," the Heart girl smiled and gently touched her cheek, "share weight. Keep going. Keep fighting. Okay? Can you do that? For me, and friends?"

Nicole glanced away, thinking. _Keep...fighting? Maybe I can get help. Maybe not all is lost. The light was never gone, only obscured. Can I do that for her?_ "I'll try. _No, I will. I promise_." Alice smiled and wiped the amber-eyed girl's face. "Good. Now, let us get out of this place, hm? We may have breakdowns, but we still have classes to go to!" Nicole let out a weak, but happy, chuckle. The tiny girl rose and offered her hand to the one next to her. Hardy took it and got up, but did not let go of her hand. She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder and grinned. "Shall we?", she said lavishly, sweeping her arm in the direction of the door. While walking away, Hardy couldn't help but ask, "Hey, Alice? What were you doing in that closet anyways?" Alice frowned, tilting her head in confusion before the memory dawned on her. "Oh, yes! That! Well, I run from bullies and happen to end up in this room. I look for place to hide, and closet is wide open. I run in, close closet, everything is quiet." She pauses for a moment to unlock and open the door before continuing. "The confined space makes me feel safe, and next thing I know, I am waking up to cold breeze. Funny, I guess. You never come to classroom, I might've sleep forever."

Hardy chuckled and shook her head as they walked out. "Maybe not. But I'm still glad I found you. You... you're a great person, Alice. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, okay? Otherwise I'll cave their faces in." The pale girl laughed and rolled her eyes but didn't say anything, so Nicole kept that as a promise. Halfway down the hallway, Hardy began to pick up sounds of footsteps approaching the two girls. She turns around and spots a familiar face running towards her, relief clear on her face. "H-Hardy," the noirette blurts out, "glad I, _hoough,_ found you." Nicole laughed, just a short puff, and replied with a, "Hi, Stan." Stan smiled sheepishly at the sturdy girl and took a few more breaths before resuming the conversation. "Don't listen to fatass, he was just being a bitch. He says that kind of stuff to a lot of people he hates. Especially Kyle." The amber-eyed female shook her head and sighed. "It's whatever. Yeah, it hurt, but I'll live. Actually, tell Cartman 'thank you'. Because of him, I think I'm gonna be a whole lot better in the future. Oh, and also tell him he sucks ass." Stan looked a bit bewildered, but nodded. "I've heard crazier things, so I guess I'll... who's this?" The lapis-eyed male finally noticed Alice, who had shrunk back, just a little. Nicole looked at her, then back at Stan, shrugging. "Oh, this is my friend, Alice. She's cool, no worries." The boy in the blue hat stared meaningfully at the girl in the white sweater, then blinked and looked back to Nicole.

"Cool. Well, I'll head back to the idiots. We gotta get to class before Kyle starts lecturing us or Cartman pulls out his hall monitor skills again. You are...?" The freckled girl smiled at the other, saying, "I'll be with Alice. Go on without me," she stated dramatically, "Tell Cartman he sucks." Stan chuckled and shook his head. "Peace dude," he said before trotting away. Hardy laughed, then turned to Alice. "So, what do you have next?" Alice thought for a moment, then replied, "World History, Room 169. You?" "Oh hey, I have the Biology class that's right across from it! We can go find your stuff and we'll depart for our classes when we get to that intersection. So, um Alice, have you heard of the latest PS4 games, I've heard it's got really cool..." And the two chatted for a long while, even after their classes, and the one after that, and the one after that, and so on. For a nice change of pace, the screaming voice in Hardy's head was quiet and content, and the sunlight seemed just a bit brighter that day.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it. it's kinda bad-ish, a bit self-indulgent, could've passed for any other fandom, but ey, you might've enjoyed it. Thank you for reading, leave a comment, i do love those, and have a FANTASTICAL day!!


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